Ever catch yourself wishing that your partner was a better listener? Or that your mom was better at celebrating your successes? Or that your best friend could just be on time for once for-the-love-of-god?
At some point, I made an important realization: people are going to be how they're going to be, and I'll enjoy them much more when I stop trying to change them. AMAZING!
Let me illustrate. . .
Think of all the people in your life as stores lined up next to each other in a strip mall. They each have something unique to contribute to your life - you've got a hardware store, a Chinese take-out place, a shoe store, etc.
When you know whom you can go to for what, your relationship with all the store owners in the strip mall remains smooth. But when you start trying to buy a hammer at the shoe store, or look for hiking boots at the Chinese take-out place, chaos ensues. You get resentful that they're not giving you what you want, and the store owners get resentful that you can't just appreciate what they're offering.
How this has manifested for me is that I think twice now before I pick up the phone. Am I looking for deep listening? Ok, I know the friend to call for that. Am I looking for strategies and solutions? I know the friend to call for that. Or how about sympathy and someone to tell me I'm lovable no matter what? Well, that's probably going to be a call home. :)
So next time you find yourself suffering over a perceived lack in a relationship in your life, ask yourself:
Has this person demonstrated the ability to deliver the quality I am looking for?
--> If YES: Great. Let them know you appreciate it, and keep counting on them for that.
--> If NO: You have a few options. You can. . .
Because what I know to be true is that everyone has something unique and valuable to offer. If you don't like what they're selling, don't go to their store. And the even DEEPER level of this work? Take inventory of what YOUR store is offering.
What type of wild woman are you?
Hello! I'm Melanie Munir, founder of Professional Wild Woman - a women's empowerment business dedicated to helping women who are tired of feeling either "too much" or "not enough" to connect to their inner wildness so they can create work that allows them the fullest expression of their unique voice. Welcome!