I lay in bed snuggled warm under the covers in my old bedroom in my parents house. My three-month-old son is happily spending time with his grandparents out in the kitchen so I can sleep in. It is 10:45 AM, high time for me to get out of bed, but I feel a sense of dread and don't yet want to face the day.
Tomorrow we fly back to California. To my husband returning to full-time work after three months of paternity leave. To me spending long stretches of hours alone at home with my baby (when I am not working with my own clients, that is.)
Tomorrow is also the last day of 2016. And as crappy as the year has been for politics and human rights, it was also the most thrilling and in many ways the most wonderful year of my life.
I discovered I was pregnant in January of 2016, and the rest of the year was filled with the excitement of pregnancy, birth, and a new baby. I always had something to look forward to – an appointment with my midwife, a new pregnancy milestone, the start of my maternity leave, the start of my labor, meeting my son for the first time, and finally, taking our first trip back east as a family.
Now all of that is over and for the first time in my life, I don't have anything else planned. No trips, no retreats or workshops to lead or attend, no projects. Raising a baby is consuming enough and is certainly something I am excited about, but it's not really something I can look forward to, per se. Not something I can plan for.
And that's when it hit me. 2017 is not a year that requires planning. It is a year that requires presence.
Becoming a mother has changed me, and it will most certainly change my business in ways I don't even yet know. Rather than designing how Professional Wild Woman will look in 2017 like I would usually do at the start of a new year, I will ease back in by taking a few private clients. I will see how it feels to work with them and allow that experience to inform where the energy is flowing for me next. This requires presence, not planning.
In my personal life, three months of motherhood has already shown me that planning anything with a new baby is impossible. I am much happier when I allow the natural rhythm of the day to present itself to me rather then decide on a schedule and try to force everyone into it.
And I know I have plenty more baby milestones to look forward to, but I find that looking for them often brings anxiety about when they will come and whether my son is on target. Conversely, when I stop reading baby books and instead just look at my beautiful baby, I create the space to be delighted by whatever he's offering in the moment. For example, I didn't realize that babies begin to make "conversation" so early, so was delightfully surprised when this week Rowan began "talking" back to me in babbles and coos, complete with conversational timing and emphatic hand gestures. Beautiful moments like this require presence, not planning.
So in a complete 180 from how this type-A, driven business owner and wild woman usually operates, I will NOT set goals for the new year. I will instead plant my roots in the present moment and prepare to sway with the wind.
My word for 2017 is PRESENCE. What's yours?
What type of wild woman are you?
Hello! I'm Melanie Munir, founder of Professional Wild Woman - a women's empowerment business dedicated to helping women who are tired of feeling either "too much" or "not enough" to connect to their inner wildness so they can create work that allows them the fullest expression of their unique voice. Welcome!