Last week, a member of our Professional Wild Woman Tribe Facebook page posed this question on our “Manifestation Monday” thread:
Do you think it's more effective to invite in something very specific (like one specific thing in one aspect of our lives) or it's just as effective to invite in a group of things, lifestyle, a whole new way of living?
And I responded:
Great question. With manifestation, I tend to think the more specific the better. The exercise is really about inviting you to become crystal-clear on what you really want. I think it is actually that clarification process that opens the space for it to come into your life.
For example, when I was working on manifesting a life partner before I met Omar, I didn't say, "I call in a wonderful man as a life partner." I wrote a list of 27 very specific things, all of which were non-negotiable. Omar meets every single one.
At the same time, I believe we must release attachment to outcome, knowing that there is often a greater wisdom beyond what we can see. It's kind of like breathing – calling what you want on the inhale, release attachment to it on the exhale. Repeat.
So of course, then another tribe member asked:
Melanie, would you be willing to share your list of 27 non-negotiable things?
Why yes, yes I would.
I did some digging around in old journals until I found it. Turns out it was actually 25 non-negotiable things, as well as two “would be nice” things thrown in for fun. I titled it:
MY IDEAL MAN
(In no particular order, other than the one in which I originally wrote it. . .)
I’m happy to share this list because I’m really proud of it. It took some serious work. I did not just sit down one day and craft it. A year after my second marriage ended, I realized that I had to do something about the growing shame, dread, and hopelessness that was growing inside me at the thought of ever having a successful romantic relationship again. I was barely 30. I was way too young to give up. (Note: I have since decided that I will always be way too young to give up.)
But after the shit show that my parade of broken relationships had been so far, how could I hope for anything better?
So I enlisted the help of a therapist, who recommended that I seek out a 12-step group for addictive relationship issues.. I was shocked but willing to try anything. I ended up going to this group between one and four times a week for an entire year, during which I was also consciously celibate. I worked the steps. I got a sponsor. I was a sponsor. I took a personal inventory. I made amends. It was hard, and it was awesome.
Part of that inventory was to write down every single person I had ever been in a romantic or sexual relationship with - everyone from a one-night stand to a husband - including what I learned from each one. Then I took that list of what I had learned from all of these “failures” and turned it into the list you read above, of what I do want.
This list was borne of my greatest mistakes. It grew strong and beautiful from the rich soil of my composted past. That’s why I’m so proud of it. And I think that’s exactly why it worked.
If any of you know my husband, you know he is every single one of those things. And what’s fascinating is that he was there all along, ready and waiting. I wasn’t finding him because up until that point, I hadn’t been brave enough to actually claim what the fuck I wanted, or worthy enough to deserve it, so of course it kept passing me by.
Take this in: Before you can get what you want, you have to know what you want. And then you have to ask for it. And when it shows up, by god you have to go for it.
I’d love to hear what you got from this list and this story in the comments below!
By the way, every Monday is “Manifestation Monday” on the Professional Wild Woman Tribe Facebook page, where I encourage the women to call in what they want. It always ends up being one of the richest threads of the week, and now we’ve been doing it long enough that people are reporting back on their successes.
For example, on the very first Manifestation Monday, I said I was calling in a baby, and now here I am nearly 12 weeks pregnant! Other women have manifested all sorts of things like a raise, a better job opportunity, a new home, a new housemate, a hot date, and more.
If you still haven’t joined us on this online tribe, please do! It’s growing by the week, deepening by the day, and we’d love to have you as part of our tribe.
What type of wild woman are you?
Hello! I'm Melanie Munir, founder of Professional Wild Woman - a women's empowerment business dedicated to helping women who are tired of feeling either "too much" or "not enough" to connect to their inner wildness so they can create work that allows them the fullest expression of their unique voice. Welcome!