This morning, I rolled over not to my husband, but to my dear friend, Natalie. We said good morning, shared about our dreams from the night, brushed our teeth side by side, and went upstairs. We were greeted by Erin and Katie, who were already deep into coffee and a conversation about stuckness and surrender.
This week, I’m working from Denver, Colorado. Not for the snow or the superbowl champs - for some female community. We’re all here visiting Katie for four days for some entrepreneurship masterminding, fun in the snow, and good ol’ sisterhood.
In fact, in this very moment, I’m in Katie’s office writing this blog post, Natalie is downstairs leading a group coaching call for her program on finding the path to food freedom, Katie is in the dining room preparing for a women’s networking event she’s leading tonight in Denver, and Erin is in her room preparing her talk on yoni wisdom as one of the speakers of the event. We don’t even need to be in the same room and we’re benefitting from each other. It’s almost like I can feel the house vibrating with brilliance!
So since it’s time to write a blog post, and I’m currently filled with the juicy goodness of female companionship, I decided to make this week’s topic the importance of female community.
Here are three super-good reasons you need female community:
1. Because, fuck isolation
If you’re single, it’s easy to isolate. If you’re married, it’s easy to isolate in your marriage. If you’re an entrepreneur, it’s easiest of all to isolate. And isolation sucks!
The human species has evolved in tribes. We probably wouldn’t still be here on the earth if we hadn’t learned how to share the tasks, burdens, and joys of daily living. Women especially have a long history, across cultures and time periods, of “stirring the pot” together. Tending the children, picking the herbs, even building the house - if women were working, they were doing it together.
And when they bled each month, they did that together, too, often even syncing their cycles with each other and the moon. They knew that at this magical time of intuition and increased connection to the earth and ancestors, it was important for them to be with other women. Sometimes red tent traditions get a bad reputation of being patriarchal punishments, as in, “you’re too dirty to be with society during menstruation, so go sit in this tent.” The opposite couldn’t be more true!
Think about how much different and easier your life would be now if you were allowed the luxury of cocooning with your women once a month while bleeding rather than carrying on at work like business as usual. How much more intuition would you access? How much better rested would you be for the upcoming month? How many debilitating menstrual symptoms, like PMS and cramps, would suddenly become manageable or even disappear altogether?
Even if you don’t red tent it up each month with your girls, you can make regular sister time a priority. I bet the women you reached out to would be thrilled and probably had been secretly hoping for this themselves.
2. So you don’t make your partner into one of your girlfriends
Regardless of whether your partner is a man or woman, they absolutely cannot be your only source of camaraderie. There’s so much else going on in an intimate relationship. Having your partner also be your only friend and confidant is way too much pressure.
If you’re a straight woman, this is especially true for you. Even with the best of intentions, even with the kindest, most loving, thoughtful husband, he is still a man. He is built differently than you - literally.
Did you know that the corpus callosum, the membrane that divides the two halves of the brain, is thicker in men, and thinner to non-existent in women? Men’s brains are built to focus intently on one thing at a time, and women’s are built to multi-task. Simplified, this helped men to zero in on the sabertooth tiger without distraction, and women to cook dinner, tend the children, and clean the kitchen at the same time.
Have you ever tried to process your feelings on a situation with your male partner only to leave in frustration, wanting to scream, “Stop trying to fix it! Just listen!” Men physically cannot listen to us in the same way as other women. They are great at zeroing in on a problem and coming up with a solution - go to them for that. But if what you’re wanting is broad listening and an ability to hold multiple facets of a situation at once, go to one of your women.
Plus, time with other women actually improves time with our partners. My friend Erin said, “I started to notice that after I went to my women’s group, I’d come back and have better sex with my husband.” Bonus!
3. Because it’s time for women to bond for the right reasons
How many of us were inducted into the world of female friendship with a hazing of cattiness, bitchiness, and passive aggressive competition? Every woman who has come on retreat with me or been part of my group program has talked of her hesitancy in joining because of the terrible experiences she’s had with other women in the past.
And then she’s shared of the immense healing power of being in community with women who are delighted to build each other up, who celebrate each other’s successes as if they were their own, and who make space for all of us to be as big as we need to because we know that there is enough room for all of us to shine.
Yes, you will always be able to find groups of women who bond over gossip, backstabbing, and hating their bodies and each other. But if you look for them, you will also be able to find communities who bond over love, support, and celebration. And if you create them, you can be absolutely sure they will exist.
So go see your women this week, ladies. Tell them you love them. Ask for what you need. Sit in circle and share from your heart. Then go back to your intimate relationship - with yourself, your wife, or your husband - and watch it blossom and grow as a result.
And make sure to join the Professional Wild Woman Tribe on Facebook! It’s a rapidly-growing community just like the ones described above. An active group of courageous, creative, compassionate women who hold each other up, share ideas, and offer endless inspiration. You’d fit right in!
What type of wild woman are you?
Hello! I'm Melanie Munir, founder of Professional Wild Woman - a women's empowerment business dedicated to helping women who are tired of feeling either "too much" or "not enough" to connect to their inner wildness so they can create work that allows them the fullest expression of their unique voice. Welcome!